you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
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Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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