God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Randomize
