News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
