Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize