You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
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I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
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You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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