Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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