The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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