Porn is love you can see.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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