I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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