She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
