yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
