i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
