Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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