There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
