please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
