had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
