their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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