plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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