Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
