it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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