I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i drank out of a bidet.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
