I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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