I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
