I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
