you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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