Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Randomize
