Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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