I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
