you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
