I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I AM VODKA MAN
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
