wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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