First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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