Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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