You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
