I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
