I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
