can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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