By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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