It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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