tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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