I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
