Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Randomize