Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
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Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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