Yo dont text me then not text me
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
