I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
