Old men and throwing up are my life now.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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