He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
