life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
