and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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