yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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