i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
