HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
