it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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