Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
