Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
