Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
